Humanarium Revisited

Humanarium (Revisited)

(ˈhjuːmən err-e-um)

n. an abstract but primal place. A place where you can be as human as humanly possible and feel no shame, because even shame is on par with pride, justice, and glory.

  1. : a place where you can lean against your enemy almost as equally as your friend and you have nothing to prove.
  2. : a place where one can talk about holiness and earthiness in the same sentence.
    • a : it is difficult to tell if such places are created only by great effort, or rather by merely forgetting that one ever left them.
    • : a place that a good church tries to replicate, but rarely achieves.
  3. : a place where the only way to offend everyone is by being pretentious. But even then, everyone just shakes their head with pursed lips and then pats said pretentious one on the back and moves on, because they are too busy seeking reality.
  4. : a place where one’s age is meaningless. Where one is a child and a burdened adult and in the twilight at the same time.
  5. : a state in which one understands Bob Dylan songs, and/or feels like they are living in a permanent Bob Dylan song.
  6. : a place where children thrive and move and have their being, and elderly smile like no one is watching.
  7. : a space in which one can be honest, not afraid of the consequences.
  8. : a place where one can lift up their head high and not feel above anyone else.
  9. : a space where one can meet God, herself, himself, or their great love–with equal intensity.
  10. : an atmosphere where it’s almost impossible to tell if one is laughing or crying. Or doing both simultaneously. But you have to let them do it. They need it.
  11. : places where a friend, even for only a few minutes, is a friend for a lifetime.
  12. : a place saturated with that feeling, when one has been drinking, that comes after trying to be the life of the party and trying to run away from the party; when you’re right in the zone of total vulnerability and surrender but have not lost any of your faculties.
  13. a place where your political affiliations mean about as much as your hair color.

Seek these places once in a while. Create them when needed.

 

Not Alone

Amazing quote…

A man alone is a neighbor of God.

–From the film, Baran

 

aatlas / Pixabay

No such thing as a Real Job

Always under construction

Confession: I turned my work into a job and the world that mattered the most to me into work.

Lemme ‘splain.

[Read more…]

Yes drill sergeant

My twisted-side ego is like a drill sergeant but one that wants me to fail. It screams in my face when I screw up, fall down, question things.

Real drill sergeants, however, ultimately want you to succeed…or quit.

But wait, maybe that negative side of me is harassing me in order to help me succeed in the end. Could it be that there is a nobler purpose in that berating, negative psyche?

ArmyAmber / Pixabay

Bear with me now…

How could something from me want me to fail? Maybe this thing is EXACTLY like a drill sergeant. Maybe I should just answer “yes drill sergeant!”

You freakin idiot! Go faster! “Sir, yessir!”

Look what you did, Lewis! Stop it or you’ll ruin everything! “Sir, yessir!”

 

I think I heard Titus once say that anxiety is good because that’s how the rent gets paid.

 

 

Check!

Sleep: done!
Give thanks: done!
Affirmations: done!
Reading: Choose Greatness. Done!
Exercise: done!
Day vertical: F—ING DONE!

Building Willpower – from Belle Beth Cooper at Buffer

This is a really rich and practical refresher on building willpower. I love how Belle Beth Cooper makes the keys/bullets/nuggets so easy to find. She takes pages of text and hours of information and turns it into a refreshing slap in the face to get you moving.

 

The science of self-control: 6 ways to improve your willpower

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Practical tips in managing Depression from Therese Borchard

Therese Borchard: 12 Steps Toward Freedom from Depression

Theresa Borchard’s “12 Steps Toward Freedom from Depression” is a great list of tips. These are things that are good for anybody, but crucial for those managing depression.

There are a lot of great tips but this one is particularly well-put to me. I like her style.

This one is the toughest steps: directing my thoughts is somewhat like a traffic policeman standing out in the middle of a highway during a storm. Some of the drivers (thoughts) get a bit agitated when the dude in the neon vest tells them they can’t go a certain way…that if they do, they will regret it. Oh yes, they will. Because getting their brains out of the gutter (where toxic emotions live) proves more difficult than you think. I have a bunch of creative ways–much like the policeman’s hand signals–in which I like to untwist my distorted thoughts…such as differentiating between fiction (fantasy) and nonfiction (reality) in my busy noggin.

I really appreciate how her tips are not only implementable and practical in the now, but they aren’t magical thinking or fluff. She is honest about how things like this don’t make it all go away. But they do help, they do work, and she has the personal experience to back them up.

Hope is more than wishful thinking...

Hope on…

All things grow

If I was crying,
In the van with my friend,
It was for freedom
From myself and from the land

I made a lot of mistakes…

I made a lot of mistakes…

You came to take us
All things go, all things go
To recreate us
All things grow, all things grow
We had our minds set
All things know, all things know
You had to find it
All things go, all things go

–Sufjan Stevens, Chicago

I never knew how much I wanted freedom until I really knew I didn’t have it. Truly having firsthand knowledge of working for The Man, not having the luxury of going where I want and when, now knowing if it will get better, and the cycle of keeping all of that going; the searing sadness and the nameless gnawing of not following what I felt tailored for, somehow; to live abundantly and freely instead of being stared down by…something else.

I must have my freedom. I have a Recreator working in me–even when I don’t feel it.

Then He who sat on the throne said, “Behold, I make all things new.” And He said to me, “Write, for these words are true and faithful.”

–Revelation 21:5

Toddler Courage – Sonoma wine, Thanksgiving, & Jack Daniel’s Honey

This past Thanksgiving my family visited the Kunde Family Estate Winery in Sonoma. It was a beautiful place and we really enjoyed it. I was excited to see the “Biodynamic” growing policy signs around the property. I’m proud to be clued in on that and participating in that kind of business. But what first got me bent on visiting Kunde Winery was hearing about their caves.

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Reflections on Indifference

Recently I posted a recap of the Pearl Jam show I went to. It naturally has gotten me reminiscing and reflecting on what effect their music has had on me.

Reflections on Indifference

Beat Down
I will light the match this morning, so I won’t be alone
Watch as she lies silent, for soon light will be gone
Oh I will stand arms outstretched, pretend I’m free to roam
Oh I will make my way, through, one more day in…hell

How much difference does it make
How much difference does it make…

I will hold the candle, till it burns up my arm
I’ll keep takin’ punches, until their will grows tired
Oh I will stare the sun down, until my eyes go blind
Hey I won’t change direction, and I won’t change my mind

how much difference does it make
how much difference…

I’ll swallow poison, until I grow immune
I will scream my lungs out till it fills this room

How much difference
How much difference does it make…

 Scream

 

This song is dark and sad, but at the same time, it captures the edge of perseverance. It harnesses the tenacious hope that enduring suffering will lead to winning and overcoming. ‘I’ll keep taking the beatings until they tire and give up.’ I will keep getting up. I will cry out until I’m heard. I will swallow poison until it doesn’t effect me anymore…

Not much of a strategy, but sometimes it’s all I have, and it’s better than doing nothing. (I’ve also done plenty of nothing, and it was a terrible decision every time.)

 

Suffering – Meaning = Despair (Viktor Frankl)